Involving Your Guests

One way to make your ceremony even more special not only for your guests, but for YOU, is to include some features that involve them a little (or a lot) more.

1. They offer a wish, a blessing, as they touch something. They can even through something. Rice has been the tradition. But then the tradition changed, and we found out that birds would eat the rice and get sick, and then we started throwing bird seed.
Or confetti.
Or petals.
And many venues changed their policy... many changed it to, "No, you cannot throw anything."
But there are alternative to that:
sparkles
bubbles
paper airplanes (perhaps)
And if you're in a natural setting, you can use what's around. A wishing stone tossed into a creek.
A flask of water poured on a desert plant.
...

2. Include the guests in the vows. Make vows to the guests. Or have the guests offer their vows to you. If there are many guests, more than an intimate wedding that could have a "go around", the officiant could ask the guests, "Do you vow....?" Another option would be to have the guests write vows on a paper and put in a jar.

3. Include the guests via representation in a ceremonial element. For example, a hand fasting ceremony could include strands of symbolic material chosen by groups of the guests. The friends of the groom have chose.... to represent.... The family of the bride has chosen....

4. A sing-along, or a read-along.

for more ideas see... http://goo.gl/cDBiAY

Zen Wedding

What is a Zen Wedding?

Weddings may be the most "Zen" of all ceremonies. They are not only a commitment to giving, caring, and sharing– they are a commitment to the "Great Unknown" and to "not knowing." In marriage you are dedicating your life to the unknown, to something bigger than just yourself. Marriage is a commitment to moving beyond what we think we know, and who we think we are. It is an act of bravery and selfless love. It is the blending of two life paths, and two traditions, forming a new tradition that will be remembered and shared. The Zen weddings I perform are unique to the couple. They can be a blending of tradition and symbolism with the energy and intentions of the couple. Each is a very unique and profound experience. And no two are alike.

What is a traditional Zen Wedding?

There is no traditional Zen wedding ceremony. The traditional Zen ceremonies are the funeral rituals and the taking of precept rituals, which include lay ordination (Jukai, or Jukai Tokudo) and monk ordination (Shukke Tokudo). A religious Zen Buddhist wedding, though non-traditional, will most likely involve the chanting of sutras and/or dharanis and the giving and receiving of the lay ordination precepts. This religious wedding should be preformed by a fully ordained Zen priest, and is usually only preformed for their students or disciples, often with the sangha (the community) in attendance. This is not the type of wedding I have to offer, though I am happy to incorporate aspects of it.

Zen Music for a Wedding

Zen music is anything that you like... 

but when people ask me for recommendations of "Zen music" I think they usually mean something relaxing.

Below are some VIDEO and (further below) AUDIO examples of Zen-style music, with what I tend to think of as traditional Zen-style instruments – flutes, chimes, water, wind. (I leave the Zen-drums, loud gongs and cracking-sticks out of this list.)

Your Ceremony Music plays several important roles. Just as the bells and drums of a Zen monastery signal to many people changes of events and organize the progression of the schedule without the need for words, so does the music at your wedding. It tells the guests and attendees, as well as the staff, what is happening. Guests, attendees and staff can then just listen for the changes of the music to know it's time to move on to the next part of the event. Here's a basic list to help you get started:


  1. Music Before the Ceremony begins. For this music, I'd recommend songs that are nice, relaxing, but inviting. Something people can listen to, or ignore and  talk over. When people are coming in and getting settled, it's nice to have music that's relaxing but still interesting enough to ward-off any potential "I'm-here-sitting-alone" awkwardness.
  2. Pre-Procession Music. This change in music lets guests know it's time to cut off conversation and start taking our seats. It lets the Wedding Party know that they need to start 'staging' (getting ready and lining up for their entrance.) Sometimes this is broken into two parts, and the music changes for the parents to enter and get seated. Usually, now is when the Groom and Officiant take their places up at the altar... or they lead the procession.
  3. Procession Music. Sometimes lead by the parents, followed by Maid-of-Honor and Bridesmaids, Best Man and Grooms Men, (who may walk down in pairs or single-file), Ring-Bearer, Flower-Girl(s), and ultimately the Bride (who may be escorted by her father or another  person). 
  4. Bridal Procession. The music stops and then changes to signal the Bride's arrival (all stand). The Bride then proceeds up to the altar. The music stops, and all guests sit, and the ceremony begins.
MOST IMPORTANT: It's your ceremony. It has to be meaningful to you! Have your event as traditional, or as non-traditional, as you want it to be. Play the music that you think is best, at the time and in the order, that you think is best. And sometimes it may be the songs of the world around you make the perfect background music for your wedding.



http://www.youtube.com/embed/lVeCx0bM7Xg
http://www.youtube.com/embed/kOsBcL7w9XE

Some of these videos have an ad at the beginning that your DJ can scroll past before turning up the volume.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/c_2Fp8wYKl8

For the procession, it's nice to have one song, or one style of music, that then stops and changes for the Bride's entrance.

During the Ceremony, it's usually best to have no music, unless it fits well with your theme and situation.


In much of this music you'll hear the shakuhachi. The Shakuhachi is a Japanese end-blown flute with a haunting sound similar to Native American flute music. Very peaceful and relaxing.


http://www.youtube.com/embed/9oa2JrO5_3k

 http://www.youtube.com/embed/COKPLZ1FmWg

You may opt for no musical instrumental, and enjoy sounds (and sights) of nature, instead.

Videos, like these, give your DJ the option of supplying some visuals, as well.  There will be enough to keep you and most of your guests occupied, but between the big highlights of the event (vows, dancing, cake...) , kids and babies might appreciate a little relaxing diversion from being bounced, and hugged, or from climbing under and over things.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/2A8bafliRy4
http://www.youtube.com/embed/bHvHfNJtaGY
http://www.youtube.com/embed/zmPzbZVUp3g

If your wedding is actually IN nature, then you will probably need a CD or MP3 to download.

Here are some audio sources:

My #1 recommendation is to check out the City Library. The Library is my personal GO-TO for meditation sounds and music.

Here are some examples of what you might find there:


Product Details

Nature Sounds MP3 - Instrumental Native American Flute Song, Ocean Waves for Great Tantra by Meditation, Massage Therapy, Spa Nature Sounds Relaxation: Music for Sleep (Nov 1, 2011)

MP3 Music:$0.99

Download or play now in Cloud Player.


Product Details

Meditation 3 - Tibetan Singing Bowl with Rainstrom and Sound of Rain for Deep Meditation, Healing and Relaxation by Radio Meditation Music (Sep 15, 2010)

MP3 Music:$0.99

Download or play now in Cloud Player.

If you find anything that worked particularly well for your ceremony and celebration, please share.


After the Party - Hang Over Helpers

Umeboshi, is a great cure for hang-over. Actually, a lot of the Japanese diet is - that's my theory.

Why? Your body in in a state of toxicity and high acidity... eat and drink alkali!

This articles tells about the majic of the umeboshi:
http://macrobiotics.co.uk/articles/umeboshi.htm

http://gaijintonic.com/2008/03/27/japanese-hangover-cures/

First Dance

These are great. But yours will be even GREATER!
I hope these inspire you:

 "You Are The One That I Want" from Grease.
This may now be the "traditional" (surprise) 2nd dance.
The first couple includes the whole wedding party (Bride's Maids and Groom's Men) for added fun!
http://youtu.be/ynnwhzWnnVg
http://youtu.be/FhB6SlR7350

Have a fun Mix and show off your talent!
With a mix like this, you'll have something ELSE to focus on and be more nervous about than the ceremony, or your new in-laws. :)

This couple really gave something for everybody in this mix!

http://youtu.be/e4OzHWvVyb8

Here's another mix:
http://youtu.be/wRYRk3S7hbk


Hip Hop dancing is awesome and fun to watch!
http://youtu.be/S1ie6NIvQfE

Dirty Dancing Fun

http://youtu.be/iv0MlvpZRqA

Loosen them up, and have your guests join you!
The second dance can really help segue into the fun part of the celebration, The Party. The sooner you get it started, the sooner everyone will be loose and having fun! (and the sooner you can slip away to your honeymoon.)
http://youtu.be/-iYg4K9O9jk

Zen for Your Wedding Day

Focus on how you are FEELING. Check-In! 

 

Nervous about being the center of attention?
Don't let the jitters escalate into full-blown panic!



First, I’ve never seen full-blown panic on the wedding day. So don’t worry about it. There will be enough to do and keep you occupied to steer you clear of it.

Second, Can you really get rid of the jitters? Well, Yes and No. In a way, they are part of our make-up and are unavoidable (to most of us). That said, they are one of the few things in life we can actually learn to practice controlling.

So, what are they, the jitters? 
We all know what they feel like, we’ve felt them, but what's going on in our body? Well, what’s’ going on is our nervous system – which we all have– going towards the fight-or-flight mode. The Jitters are our body’s gearing up for fight-or-flight and this actually, if you think about it, makes a lot of sense. A lot of it has to do with being up in front of people – in other words, Exposed! Even with the first thought of standing up in front of others, our body starts gearing us up for fight-or-flight because... well, that's what our ancestors were bred to do out on the savanna.  So even by thinking, imagining ourselves being exposed, we start immediately tapping into that stress response. By scanning the environment looking for threats (I won't name any names), we’re automatically gearing ourselves up. And then, when we’re experiencing the jitters, all our attention focuses on that, our enemy, our jitters. And it ends up being a vicious cycle, a feedback loop, which keeps us in the jitters. 

Here are some tips

Alcohol
I do not recommend, though it may be tempting, to consume alcohol before getting up to the altar, for two reasons. One is that it impairs our rational mind, our rational thinking. What if something outrageous happens? (Just kidding).  Alcohol’s been shown to put our decision-making faculties in default, non-thinking, mode. In other words, we stop making rational decisions and are at the mercy of our nervous-system, and our fight or flight. This could be a mess.  Alcohol also  makes some of us feel a little fuzzy and off-balance, which is nice at times... but maybe not-so-good when you're saying "I do" (and think of the photos).  The second reason to post-pone consuming alcohol is that it’s dehydrating. You want to stay hydrated so that you’ll feel better and think clearer.  That is all just advice. If you do drink alcohol for nerves or tradition before the big walk I won't think any less of you. I promise.

Food: 
It's important to eat ... but not right before you go to the altar. You do not want your digestive system competing with your brain and nervous system for resources.   

Eat in the morning and then brush your teeth. You'll be glad you did. Couples often forget or just don’t feel like eating early on their big day. But even if you’re having a morning ceremony, please don’t skip breakfast. You think you have a lot to do before the ceremony? You’ll have a lot to do after, too. So keep you’re energy up. Often I see couples taking care of the guests, getting pictures taken, and forgetting to eat or drink water! You hear stories of couples fainting during the ceremony or reception… though I have never seen it, I suspect it’s due to forgetting to take care of themselves. Remember to eat a little, drink water, move around once in a while, and sit down when you're feeling tired or dizzy. It's a big day.

Comfort
Surround yourself with things that make you happy. Especially if you're going to be away from home, have some comfort things with you. Your day will be disrupted enough. You might a well have something(s) be consistent. And don’t forget your little routines and rituals that you normally do during the day. Speaking of rituals, sports stars and rock stars (even golf stars) have little rituals, especially when they are "on" – because rituals work to help them (and you) relax, focus, and be your best!  A good one to have before anything, especially before anything that might make you nervous or stressed-out, is to pay attention to your breathing and to pay attention to how you are feeling. (I'll offer some great pre-performance rituals and routines in Zen for Your Wedding Day – Parts 2 and 3)
 
Feel
Shifting your focus to your body also starts you into the process of relaxation. And that’s what ‘having presence’ is: Being present. When you are present you are not caught up in thinking about the future or the past. How to be present? Just concentrate on sensation. Feel what you are feeling, inside. Butterflies? Heart palpitations? Just feel and notice them without judgement. Feel the bottoms of your feet touching the floor, or the palms of your hands. What the air feel like? What does the top of your head feel like? What is your balance like?

Breathing
Focus on your breathing for a minute or two. Close your eyes and just breathe normally. Bringing your attention to your breathing does two things: 1) It will give you a little gauge on how you’re doing (tight and fast breathing usually indicates stress, while slow and relaxed breathing usually means you’re calm and at ease. 2) It will actually help you relax, center, and focus. Focusing on your breathing for a couple minutes brings your awareness inwards, and that helps you shift from a nervous fight-or-flight state to a relaxed, comfortable and confident state.

A quick tip: When you inhale your heart-rate goes up a little, and when you exhale your heart-rate goes down a little. So when you’re a little stressed, extend a couple of exhalations in a row. Breathe in, count up to five (or whatever). Then, as you breathe out, just extend your exhalation a little (e.g. count to six). Just squeeze out a little bit more air, and then allow your natural inhalation, your natural in-breath, to come.
That’s one way of controlling your body through your breath.

Bottom line: Focus on how you are FEELING. Check-In!

Please check back for more tips. And please share any others you have found to be helpful.
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